“Even the smallest act of service, the simplest act of kindness, is a way to honor those we lost, a way to reclaim that spirit of unity that followed 9/11.” -President Barack Obama
I can remember the confusion on September 11, 2001, at our gifted school when I first heard the rumors in the halls before the students arrived. It soon became crystal clear that something unimagined had happened in New York. Terrorists had crashed airplanes into the World Trade Center. And then we learned that another plane, filled with passengers, had crashed onto a Pennsylvania field and another plane crashed into the Pentagon. As a faculty, we were all stunned and dealing with such troubled and saddened hearts as we went through the motions of teaching while shielding our students from the events of an unbelievably tragic and scary day.
Our principal decided to put together a letter that went home that day asking parents to handle the discussion of the events of September 11th and so the next day, teachers came prepared as we could to answer our students’ questions. My third graders were intensely curious and it was obvious which ones had been filled in on the events by parents and which students were totally unaware of anything out of the ordinary happening.
It was a comforting feeling to me as we sat in a circle and I began to ask, “How are you all doing today and do you have any questions you would like to ask about what happened yesterday?” For me it was a moment of the beginning of healing, even though I felt so incredibly on edge with the idea that America had been attacked.
And for my students, according to Carol Bainbridge, author of the online article, “Talking to Your Child about 9/11,” my willingness to talk and not avoid the subject relieved their own anxiety just as it had relieved mine. After we talked, I asked them to draw a picture of what they were feeling to give them a chance to deal with their feelings and discovered that this was a powerful tool to relieve the burden of fear from the shoulders of my students.
While I had no training on what to do in a situation like this, I was able to draw upon some earlier training that proved to be helpful. Fortunately, since 9/11 much has been written about how to talk with children, including gifted children, about the tragedy of 9/11, so parents and teachers have more tools to use for these conversations.
Here are some of the strategies and insights shared by Carol Bainbridge for talking with your child about 9/11:
What NOT to Do:
Ignore Your Child’s Questions – By trying to protect him, a greater sense of anxiety develops in your child.
Tell Him Not to Worry – Like the strategy above, this one creates more anxiety about the future.
What You SHOULD Do:
Listen Carefully – Listen for the real question.
Be Honest but Comforting – Reassure your child that everything is being done to keep our country safe and that you as a parent will keep your child safe.
Work Out a Family Disaster Plan – It is a good idea for all families to have a plan to deal with natural disasters. By actually having a plan, the whole family can feel more in control.
Provide Appropriate Details – Be simple and direct and provide the facts that your child requests and nothing more.
Understand How Difficult Dealing with Fear and Sadness Can Be – Gifted kids can deal with situations intellectually more easily than they deal with them emotionally, so in case your child exhibits existential depression, know there are strategies and tools to help him deal with his emotions.
Perhaps you can start your own family tradition for 9/11 by honoring those who serve our community – our fire/policemen and women who serve so tirelessly. You might also find a way of serving someone in need in your neighborhood or community.
9/11 will be remembered by us all as a most tragic day in America. But by teaching our children that serving is a way to honor others on this day and heal our hearts, you will have given them a valuable gift and taught them a lesson that in a tragedy, goodness will always surface and will always prevail.
And by listening and talking with your child, you will have shown them that the greatest treasures we all have is the time we spend with each other and the love we share with our families.